Ha Dakar Dakar Wee, Yoda is Miss Piggy, We all love those Drum n BASS grooves, That must mean its time for some great...

 BASS NEWS

20/11/05

3lb BASS LIVE

THE ARCHER WHITFIELD

THURSDAY 24th NOVEMBER

Yes kids the breaking news is that 3lb BASS are set to play THE ARCHER pub in Whitfield this week.  The band will be playing along with the erratic MUNKEY PUFFLER, so this should be a great night for all.

Be nice to see you their.

15/11/05

PLAN

This is important.

Due to some very sad things happening proposed gigs for before Christmas have been put on hold.

We may do a couple out of the blue if things fall into place, otherwise we are planning a new tour early in the new year. 

And as we all know 2006 is indeed the year of the Pepperami, so the omens are good.

9/11/05

FRANK E CHAN CHRISTMAS PUB CRAWL DETAILS ANNOUNCED

This years FRANK E CHAN CHRISTMAS PUB CRAWL will be held on Saturday 3rd DECEMBER, and may well start at The RAILWAY.  If you want to come and want more details please e-mail us. 

5/11/05

WORLD TEA CUP DROPPING CHAMPIONSHIP 2005

The traditional W.T.C.D.C. took place in Warden House school field today and a huge number of people gathered to see the evnt which was celebrated with a massive fireworks display. Following the confusion of last years event, where Rodger was disqualified for throwing tea all over Joe, organizers hoped this years competition would be a classic. As usual they were very dissapointed.  

Competitors  had gathered from all over the country, and these are their names:

IAIN aka OMEGA SUPREME, From DEAL, KENT: Reigning champion

FIFI, From Cat-urbury: Only her 2nd championship.. 

STEPH LAWRENCE, From Ripple: Looking to improve on last years rubbish performance.

PIKASTU, From Devon: Favorite to take Ioni's crown

RODGER, From DEAL, KENT: Disqualified last year.

Iain got the first round in and came back with a Freedo's box full of Tea. Things started badly for Steph who got the extra sugar cup and had to go first. But the wind played havok with the first round of drops and everyones shots missed. Stu got the 2nd round and outdid Iain at the tent by getting tea in a Freedo's box, which also contained lots of FREEDO's!!! Alas Pika's aim couldnt match and he missed again. As did everyone else. By now Rodger and Iain were discussing how that the new polystyrene cups in use this year combined with the wind were making this very very hard.  The 3rd and final round was brought by Rodger but again the wind was blowing hard and everyone missed. This ment that no one scored anypoints and IAIN regained his title by default.

IRON OLIVER. 

WORLD TEA DROPPING CHAMPION 2005.

CONGRATULATIONS

3/11/05

RODGER's U.K. TOUR 2005

Rodger McGough has just returned from his tour of the U.K. after covering 520miles and visiting such delightful places as Chelmsford, Cambridge, Leicester, Northampton and Maidstone.  He spent Halloween with the likes of Frank and Jeff at the house party of the legendary Bungie and Miss Joaquin. He then moved on to Chelmsford to visit Franks hovel, and then Ken and Julies lovely house of coal. He also visited Shep to sort out a 3lb BASS performance in Northampton in the new year.

Rodgers trip revealed the following information:

Chelmsford has the nicest ladies, 

Cambridge the best pubs (The Eagle),

Leicester has no toilet roll (locals seems to use a form of carbon),

and Northampton has red pool tables.

Photos of Bungie and Miss Joaquin's party to follow we hope.

20/09/05

SEASON OF FRANKS FAULT

It has been decided that at this time of year everything can and should be blamed on Frank. Reasons for this are unclear, but no doubt Frank is ultimately responsible. 

"Yes its all my fault, and I'm not even sorry!"

(Evil Frank like laugh)

7/09/05

YESTERDAY WAS RODGERS BIRTHDAY

So we all went to the pub, then round Orlando's for a BBQ. This was good. Lenny went mad. A cricket accident involving a giant marrow was one of many highlights. tah.

01/09/05

PUKA PICTURES

We have some great new pictures for you, which were taken at ORLANDO FEST by the official festival photographer.  Here's a few to make you wet, the rest can be found in the GALLERY section.

These pictures were taken by Lenny's uncle Cliff Knox.

29/08/05

3lb BASS ROCK THE ALMA

Yes this weekend gone the mighty 3lb BASS took over The Alama pub and proved that they are one of the greatest bands to have ever come from Deal. A last minute show, very little promotion was carried out, but still the fans turned out in shoals.  The boys played from 8 till 11.30 after being forced into 3 and a bit encore's by their legions of fans.  

As well as the usual classics the ample audience was treated to a version of the classic country song 'Jol-iain', and a really old 3lb BASS track 'Cassius Clay'.

This has been rated as the best of the recent 3 shows they boys have put on, due in part to the larger stage giving the lads space and time to do a brilliant performance. Cam got so excited it took his sister and lady 3 hours to make his nose stop bleeding.

The Alma man was well impressed and has asked the band back, and they will do this as soon as Lenny and Iain work out to read each other timetables.

Thanks to the Alma man, Phil Bait, and all of you who found out about it and turned up.

21/08/05

'ORLANDO FEST 2005' A MASSIVE SUCCESS

As expected ORLANDO FEST 2005 was a brilliant success, with Don Marco's initial estimates being that over 75 people turned up and over £100 was raised for charity.  DJ Bone'z got the party going with a DJ set containing such diverse songs as Faithless, Oasis and Ainslee.  

Monkey Puffler (aka Chesterfield Kings) then played a blinding set which included many of their own little songs, as well as a Billy Idol cover (for the ladies), and a version of Nirvana's 'Sliver' (for Rodger). Their were many highlights to the boys set, but our favorite things were: Penfolds Homebass hat, Mikes Sapporro T-shirt and Hoppo's arms.  Other good things were a great performance of 'Keith' and 'Paperplane' and the interaction between Mikey boy and DJ Bonez.

3lb BASS played a great set which they warmed up for with a game of cricket out the back.  The set saw the christening of their new lighting rig which is great.  As well as classic tracks like '7-21' and 'Splitscreen' the Bass boys took everyone by surprise with a cover of a Brintey Spears song and their reworking of the Killers track, renamed 'Norman Whitside' in honor of the footballer.

All in all a great night, and we want to thank Marco, Matt, Uncle Martin Ian Philip Knox, Jo, the security and everyone else who helped us out.

17/08/05

3 DAYS AND 16 HOURS TILL 'ORLANDO FEST 2005'

Everyone is very excited about Orlando Fest 2005, and it looks set to be a great night. Most of the tickets have sold, and if you haven't got one, do not fear because you can buy one on the door. 

??/??/05

3lb BASS PLAY PFIZER'S

(no animals were harmed during this gig)

Yes at some point this month 3lb BASS played the legendary social club of the pharmaceutical giant Pfizer's.  This venue has previously played host to such artists as Jules Holland and Natasha Beddingfield. Well this time it was 3lb BASS and The Kingsdown Band.

Playing to a crowd which wasn't exactly their target audience the boys turned in a successful performance despite a severe lack of space and sound check. The performance left everyone split, with Matt enjoying himself and Iain being enraged. Cam thought it was the best thing since the creation of the moon and wrote a letter to the Queen to celebrate.  Rodger produced 3.16 litres of sweat and Lenny couldn't be found for days, after possibly being lost behind all the other bands stuff.

Anyway young children were seen dancing to 'Oh Yeah' and compliments came flowing in with lots of drinks being brought for the boys, who unfortunately all had to drive. Everyone except Cam who isn't old enough and Matt, who got a taxi. So he drunk enough for everyone and said we should do it again next week.

10/07/05

'ORLANDO FEST' TICKETS NOW ON SALE

Tickets for this summers ORLANDO FEST are now available from a number of sources.  Either e-mail us on the contacts page, or speak to anyone you can find from the band down the pub.

10/07/05

'AWKWARD' SET TO JOIN 'ORLANDO FEST' BILL

Deal rock band 'AWKWARD' are rumored to be joining the already spanking line up for ORLANDO FEST '05. This is great although it has upset DJ BONEZ quite a lot.

9/07/05

3lb BASS LIVE SCARE THE PANTS OF OFF OLD PEOPLE 

AND RAISE LOTS OF MONEY

That's right folks our beloved band made one of their typically odd performances on Friday in aid of the MACMILLAN CANCER RELIEF charity. The show was held in St Georges hall in Deal, which was pretty much full.  Other acts included Ballet, Tap Dancers, Classical String band thing, Drumming children and more dancers. Our boys went on in the second half after the 'Boy Soprano's'.  As you can see, they were out of place already, add to that the fact that even baby TT Camara was old enough to be most of the other performers dads, and he is only 13.  Most of the audience were 'older than average' and probably had no idea what a rock band sounded like.

The lads took to the stage in a hail of noise as all of Rodgers kit went mental because some child had fallen over and bent one of his leads. This meant Matt had to fill for a bit as Rodger scuttled about and Iain got mad because someone had nicked his big black lead.

'All my jokes are rubbish' said Matt

'Tell em anyway' someone bellowed from the audience.

Unfazed the band erupted into an angered version of 'SOMEHOW (THEY) KNOW (WHO) I AM'. Although the foldbacks weren't working and Matt couldn't hear himself he didn't seem to give a fig as he paraded round the stage waving the Holy Relic that  is THE BASS around his head.  Slowly but surely Lenny's drum kit made its way across the stage like some Leviathan Of Rhythm and Cam danced about.

The audience clapped politely, whooped their approval and threw off their hearing apparatus in equal amounts as the voice of Khrushchev announced the start of 'LENINGRAD PI3R'. During the middle section Matt ran* from the stage into the wings, only to reemerge 31.6 seconds later from the side entrance door of the hall into the thick of the audience, singing the final chorus' through a megaphone to the horror and pleasure of the gathered throng.  Matt took time out to shout specifically at 'some bloke with a big chain', who it turns out was the town mayor.

As Matt made his way back to the stage Rodger and Iain provided a good deal of mess and filth type noise, just incase anybody was still asleep. Then.....

silence. 

stunned silence.

(maybe we over did it we thought)

'Woopie!!!' shouted Len as he jumped from his kit (now 54 degrees west of its starting position) and he waved his little arms around like a girl.

'WOOOPIEE!!!' shouted the audience who then clapped quite a lot.

HORAY!! 3lb BASS are very much alive and well as a live act and were dlooby brilliant.

*walked off less slowly than usual.

23/06/05

3lb BASS LIVE AT ORLANDO FEST 2005

MORE ACTS ANNOUNCED

Further details of ORLANDO FEST 2005 have begun to emerge and the lineup is set to rival that of LIVE 8. All money raised from the event will go towards Christian Aid, which is a great charity. It will be bring your own beer as their is no bar (If you could bring some for Iain too that would be cool.).

Acts so far announced for ORLANDO FEST 2005

3lb BASS

CHESTERFIELD KINGS

DJ BONE'Z

MUNKEY PUFFLER

This should be a great night of fun for all, raising money for a good cause.  CHESTERFIELD KINGS are a great local punk band who you can learn about HERE. DJ BONE'z is East Kents premier DJ, who plays everything from Hard House to Crunkey Puff Garage. MUNKEY PUFFLER are set to fly in from Dresden especially for the event.

More details as we get them.

23/06/05

3lb BASS SET TO HEADLINE ORLANDO FEST

20th AUGUST 2005

3lb BASS have agreed to headline this years prestigious ORLANDO FEST (aka MONG FEST 05).  This event has been set up by people who like us are feed up with the lack of local music events, lead by the mighty Mr Orlando who is the Godfather of the event. We hope to have full details soon, including the full line up of acts.  It will be a ticket only event, but all moneys raised will be going to charity.

20/06/05

3lb BASS LIVE 8th JULY IN AID OF MACMILLAN CANCER TRUST GIG

3lb BASS will be playing a part in a charity event aimed at raising money for the very worthy MacMillan Cancer trust. The details are as follows. The concert includes a large number of very diverse acts and takes place over 2 days, Friday 8th, and Saturday 9th July.  3lb BASS are playing on the Friday and are likely to be playing 3 songs in 16 minutes. The Friday night includes a performance by AWKWARD who are well 'worth' seeing. The concert will be at St George's Hall, Deal. To be honest we dont know where tickets are available, but if you want some try emailing Lenny and we will try and track some down.

07/06/05

THE PROBLEM WITH OUR BELOVED TOWN

Man, what the hell is wrong with people? As much as we love our little town, when it comes to rock 'n' roll people are stupid.  Why is this? This is because pubs only want bands who play cover versions.

This is bloody stupid, and we have decided to wage war upon bad covers bands. Why do people want to listen to people like the 'Bad African Covers Band' do covers of VERTIGO with the wrong chords and NO SOUL?!!? If you are gonna have this, then why not have a big juke box.

If we ever have to listen to a soulless 10 minute 'solo', which is a mere mathematical exercise rather than any form of art, played on a w#'#nky Ibinez guitar again I will willingly chop off my own feet and use them to plug my oversized ears.

Music is possibly the worlds greatest art from and locally its reduced to bad cabaret. Pub owners think that 'oh people want this stuff', which is basically saying that all pub punters are idiots. R u an idiot? No, then join our fight for real music, with real soul.

and dont even start me off on Trainers and Dance Music.

14/05/05

THE MYTHICAL GIG SITUATION

Gigs realy are go very soon, and we are actually going out tonight to book one. As long as Bristo doesn't get in the way we should be ok.

07/05/05

OH AH! ERIC THE STAR!

This week Rodger and Matt got drunk. This is because they found Eric Bristo in the Mill Inn.

03/05/05

BUNGIE's BIRTHDAY BASS.

Yet again Bungie found himself another year older this year, and as usual 3lb BASS played a big role in the celebrations.  Unbable to play live the band instead decided to go out and drink beer with the old boy.  Rodger, Matt and Len were present as was PikaStu and some very lovely ladies.

Starting from the Hole Mit Keine Holen In De Roofen, Bungie then found himself in Lens car as the boys hacked around trying to get Matt into a useable condition.  Things went wrong as soon as the group reached the M20 nightclub as Rodger was refused entrance for being 'just to cool'. Matt made up for this by drinking Rodge's weight in beer.

01/04/05

LUCY LOVES BASS.

As we all know the marvelous 3lb BASS have many hoards of fans, including many famous folks like Eric Bristo, Snorbits the dog, Simon from Blue Peter and Norman Wisdom.

The latest celebrity to show support to the band is the lovely Lucy Pinder who has put a link to our website from her own.

You can see it here:

http://www.lucypinder.info/index.html

If you go to GALLERIES>FANPAGE INDEX>FANS PAGE 1, you can see a picture of Pika Stu eating a shoe.

Go to the LINKS on the Navigation bar, then go to BAND LINKS for a picture of Sapporo.

Thank u Lu (and Jen).

16/3/05

THE ARRIVAL OF THE MACHINA.

Hip hip horay! 3lb BASS have now swelled their festering ranks (Thats R Frank) with the arrival from the future of the past of the Machina.  A memember of the Illuminate, the beast was raised by Lenny.  Such is the power of this ageless construct that only Matt seems capable of wielding its power.

23/2/05

P.A.

3lb BASS have recently purchased a state of the art P.A. system and are increasingly likely to release dates of a world tour very soon. When asked Rodger said 'We will start of with some little gigs, before moving on to world domination. We may end up playing the carnival and the Mill Inn for a laugh. Iain said that he would have another pint if your buying, and Cam said 'FANTASTIC!' Matt was in the majors chair and unavailable for comment.  

22/2/05

ROGER DISAPPEARS FOR 3 WEEKS

Roger has buggered off to the good ol' US of A until the Ides of March.  This is to find Julius Caesar.  When he returns we will organise gigs.  Promise.

23/1/05

GIGS SOON.  NO REALLY!

3lb BASS have recently purchased a state of the art P.A. system and are increasingly likely to release dates of a world tour very soon. When asked Rodger said 'We will start of with some little gigs, before moving on to world domination. We may end up playing the carnival and the Mill Inn for a laugh. Iain said that he would have another pint if your buying, and Cam said 'FANTASTIC!' Matt was in the mayor's chair and unavailable for comment.  

16/2/05

'MONKEY PUFFLER' LIKELY SUPPORT ACTS ON NEW 3lb BASS WORLD TOUR

Dover's greatest Punk band 'Monkey Puffler' aka 'Chesterfield Kings' are set to take part in a major tour with 3lb BASS this year. The band consisting of Gaz (drums), Dave (Vocals, Guitar) and Penfold (Bass) are earning themselves a reputation as a great live act and Penfold has even been seen wearing a 3lb BASS t-Shirt at gigs. Jo thinks they are great and any show involving them and our heroes is likely to be a huge sell out event.

23/1/05

ADMIRAL PENN R.I.P.

It's happened again. Our favorite pub has died. First it was the Railway (Greatest Pub In The World 1996-2001tm) which got taken over and changed into something horrible, now it is the Admiral Penn.  Its owner Ronald Koeman is turning it into a couple of flats and a shop. This is shocking, If it was changing hands and staying a pub it would be bad enough, but no, it is no more. This makes us and all the other celebrities who used to hang out their really sad.

What is it with Deal at the moment, we are running out of proper pubs with character, they are all becoming wine bar like places which have no soul or a just being shut.

3lb BASS are considering forming a consortium to buy the Penn before it is too late. We would turn it into a kind of 'Railway-Penn' hybrid called the 'The Radmirayl Peyn' which would be class. Dave would work this bar with Ronald and his family. They would chili roast potatoes and have a pool table covered with a big rug. We would even let Penn work their if he wanted.

If you own a pub and you live in Deal, please don't bugger it up.

20/1/05

FRANK AND RODGER REPRESENT 3lb BASS AT AUTOSPORT EXHIBITION

Lovely ladies Lucy Pinder and Michelle Marsh were lucky enough to meet up with Frank and Rodger when the boys visited Birmingham last weekend. The girls were said to have been honoured and Frank was very happy that Michelle knew how to spell Franks other name. Under questioning by Lucy, Rodger was heard to say 'About 9:30 I think.'

(more pic's in the gallery)

16/1/05

IAIN DECLARES HIMSELF KING

Iain has decided that it is in both his personal interest, and that of the country that he takes charge. In an interview with Rodgers phone Iain wrote "There is no news. All communication has been broken. The trust has been lost. I think its time for me to be King".

If Iain's idea gets the go ahead from the Supreme Council he will be able to graze his Cats in Victoria Park and press all the traffic light buttons he wants without getting arrested. 

As Mat put it 'He's highly qualified, he hangs around with Frank sometimes and dresses up as Gerbils most weekends".

22/12/04

MATT AND CAM (and Jimmy) GET A HOUSE

Yes Matt and Cam have got a house together which is called BASS MEWS. Its very nice and situated where Rodgers Great Granddad used to have a Sardine Factory. Jimmy lives in the house too (so it's rumoured, no-one's ever actually seen him there when we've been round yet -Len), and he is using it as a gambling den.

21/12/04

TROUBLE WITH THE T-SHIRTS

If you are called Lee, you will have noticed that we are having real problems with the wonderful 3lb BASS T-shirts. This is because the old ladies who run the printing shop on the seafront have told us they don't want to print anymore. This is because they found the work load too hard. This is a shame, but they did put all the designs on crocked any ways. 

So sorry about this, we are now changing printers and hope to have a very special guest to model our wears sorted by early next year. 

In the mean time we have a limited number of t-shirts available, which are really good quality.

Get them from the SHOP

20/12/04

FRANK E CHAN CHRISTMAS PUB CRAWL 2004

3lb BASS have been out and about celebrating the season of goodwill in their traditional way. While most bands would be making the most of all the party's by doing lots of gigs and earning money, our boys were too busy out supping beer. As ever the highlight was the Frank E Chan Christmas pub crawl, when even Lenny had a few jars and Rodger came off his medication especially.

During the evening Stu broke a light, Iain made Lego Men, Rodger threw lots of bangers Frank got randy, and we all played Football through the town. All except Mat who was out with ladies.

Rumors that the band all have ASBOs have been denied, but Frank did get told off by the police for wielding a bow and arrow in public.

See Pictures Of the FECCPC2004 HERE!!

20/10/04

3lb BASS ON A JUKE BOX NEAR YOU

If you are out for a drink this evening we suggest that you nip into the Bohemian pub on the seafront. As well as selling mad beer, they also have a computer which plays music. The latest 3lb BASS album is now on this machine and songs regularly turn up, which is great. So now you can pi##ed up on Cherry Beer while listening to OK. How mad is that?

24/9/04

NEW ALBUM RELEASED TODAY

Lat. 39°29.8'S, Long. 147°19.3'E

( two lines join completely )

Yes kids the brand new album has gone on sale today! You can get the album from your local BASS DEALER, the WEBSITE SHOP, and other places of historical interest.

Learn more about the album and hear excerpts in the SHOP.

HORAY!!! ITS ALMOST BRILLIANT!!!

20/9/04

HERNEBAY SHOW CANCELLED

This weekends Hernebay Charity 'BATTLE OF THE BANDS' has been pulled by the promoters because they are rubbish and didnt sort out their paperwork.

The result is that 3lb BASS won the Battle Of The Bands by default. The White Stripe type blokes came second and the women who liked the vibratons came 3rd.

15/9/04

UNMASTERED NEW ALBUM STOLEN ALONG WITH IAINS CAR

Iain has spoken of his astonishment that a CD containing some songs from the band’s new album has gone missing when it was stolen along with Iions car from Caterbury.

Speaking to 3lbBASS.co.uk., Iion said, 'A large slice of two years work lifted via a piece of round plastic. It doesn't seem credible but that's what's just happened to us...and it was my CD.'

The CD went missing in the early hours of the morning. The band recently completed much of the recording of the highly anticipated new album and have been involved in post-production work in Brians Bassment.

It will be the first new studio album from 3lb BASS since T:16 nearly 3.16 years ago.

French police have already launched a major investigation.

'The recording of this album has been going so well.' added PikaStu of Principle Management. 'The band is so excited about its release. It would be a shame if unfinished work fell into the wrong hands.'

'This matter is of great concern to us.' said The AGIS Lion, Chairman and CEO of AGIS RECORDS UK. 'As the missing CD is our property, we're very keen find it as soon as possible and the French Police are being extremely helpful in this regard.'

'If a copy of it turns up on the Internet tomorow, we will have to release it as it is now and that would be a great shame' said Matt. 'We only have 3 copies and everyone would have to share.'

6/9/04

TODAY IS RODGER McGOUGH'S BIRTHDAY

We love you.

27/8/04

LIMITED PROMOTIONAL 'TRIPLE' AVAILABLE FROM MONDAY 30th AUGUST

A limited edition CD 'TRIPLE' is set for release on Monday 30th August for promotion of the new album. This will include TWO NEW songs from the forth coming album... 'BOOKS I READ' and 'SOMEHOW (they know who) I AM'. More importantly collectors will be chuffed to hear that it also contains a riotuss live version of 'LENINGRAD PI3R'.

Rumours are that some versions of the disc include a bonus track of an early 3lb BASS classic.

27/8/04

FULL DETAILS OF HERNEBAY SHOW REVEALED

On SAT 25th September 3lb BASS will be taking part in a show in aid of Mental Health and Hospital Radio.The band will be playing as part of the 'Battle Of The Bands' section of the show and will be playing at least two numbers (please not that we are going because its a good cause and the beer is set to be cheap, rather than going for the competition element, this is partly because we are too disorganised, but mostely because their are no prizes).

This is what the flyer says...

25th Sept
KING'S HALL, HERNE BAY

Doors open 8pm, Show Starts 8.30pm
Admitance by Ticket Only. Tickets only £12.50

Music and Dancing until 1am - Bar Open until Midnight.

A full night of entertainment including (and we quote):

'Battle Of The Bands'
'Salsa'
'Rock N Roll'
'Indie'
'Rock'
'Breakdancing'
'Funk'

FOR TICKETS PHONE ANBA ON 07802 632533

(SHOW CANCELLED)

Its gonna be so mad you have to be 18 or older to get in baby!

We know its quite expensive to pay £12.50 to see the boys play 2 songs, but its for a good cause and the evening should be entertaining, its 500 capacity venue so the atmosphere should be good. We are looking forward to getting backstage with the dancing ladies.

13/8/04

RADIO SONG(s)

To raise awareness of the Hernebay gig thing, Matt and Iain found themselves on Margate Hospital radio the other day. We at BASS CENTRAL missed the broadcast but we have been assured that they didnt just talk about the skills of Michael Ballack, and they even managed to get 'BOOKS I READ', 'SOMEHOW (they know who) I AM' and 'LENINGRAD PI3R' played on the air.

Id have given up a whole packet of figs to have heard that.

3/8/04

3lb BASS PERFORM AT REHURSALS FOR HERNEBAY SHOW

Our favorite band cuased confusion and pleasure when they played at rehursals for a charity gig.  The band bashed through versions of 'SOMEHOW (they know who) I AM', 'LENINGRAD PI3R', 'GIRL IN A BOX II' and 'OH YEAH'.  Coments were made about the volume of the band, and the pleasure provided to the ladies present via the vibrations in their chairs.

Other bands playing including 'BOMBER HARRIS' (who Iain was set to attack with a hail of flack and his Heinkel), and two blokes who were a little like the White Stripes, and who we quite liked, but whose name we have forgotten.

An African Throat singer bloke and dancers were also their, but we wont talk about that.

21/7/04

NEW ALBUM DETAILS AND TRACK LISTING

Yep at long last we are exclusively able to reveal the track listing for the new 3lb BASS album which is set for a late summer release. As we all know the album will be called:

Lat. 39°29.8'S, Long. 147°19.3'E

( two lines join completely )

Again the album will be released on the AGIS label. A special limited edition of the track is set to be available on a first come, first served basis. This is set to include a map of Deal Island and a tea bag.

The track listing for the CD is a going to be this...

* there minds are taught with shyling

* SOMEHOW (they know who) I AM

* 8 MINUTE SONG

* METAPHOR FOR MY UNCERTAINTY

* WITH YOU

* OH YEAH

* HOUSE

* The MAELSTROM

* MCS

* SPLITSCREEN

* BOOKS I READ  

* O.K.

* UN 2

* clear black (the eskimo song)

It is possible that a promotion 'Triple' (which is like a single, but has 3 songs on it instead) is set to be released at the same time as the album. At the moment this is likely to be September.

21/6/04

3lb BASS SET TO PLAY SOUTHAMPTON FESTIVAL IN SEPTEMBER

Hey it had to happen in the end. Details are sketchy but 3lb BASS are set to headline a major Festival this summer. Not Glasto or Reading but the legendary SOUTHAMPTON FESTIVAL. Iain is setting this up and we will let you know more when he does.

21/6/04

Lat. 39°29.8'S, Long. 147°19.3'E

( two lines join completely )

Hey, the type font keeps changing but thats not gonna stop us now!! By the end of this month the New 3lb BASS ALBUM should be away being mastered so it should be available to buy at some point in June. All of us here at BASSCENTRAL are nearly as excited as you. We have been able to hear versions of the new material and are very very excited by it. A couple of gigs will hopefully be set up by the middle of summer with a full tour to support it taking place by late summer / early autumn.

21/5/04

BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Mark One music set up a local battle of the bands which has been very entertaining. Its class to see all these bands, some whome are very good, and some a bit ropey, but that doesnt matter. Its so much better to see one ropey band that spend 487 nights in the NIGHT CLUBS of my lovely town. These poeple were realy putting their heart and souls into what they did. Why cant we have a club for local bands on a regular bassis? We will set one up when we have the money. Most of them did their own stuff and thats so much nicer than going up the Mill Inn and seeing another band playing SUMMER of 69 for the 8,0098 time.

Musics great we need more of it.

More pub bands, cause they are great when u have a few sherberts.

More bands who do their own stuff, they need somewhere to play.

More brave DJ's who will play some real dance music in the local clubs,

and more open minded people.

Music is the worlds greatest artform. Good or Bad. Get more.

We will sort this.

23/3/04

T SHIRTS ARE GREAT, T SHIRTS ARE BRILL

Yes they are. With this in mind 3lb BASS have decided to enter the clothing market. A little like WU-WEAR, 3lb BASS wear is a great opportunity for all our great fans to show support for the band, while providing us with a little pocket money to spend on widening the BASS empire. These great t-shirts will be available from the website very soon. 

Get up, stand up. Stand up for your rights. Wear a nice BASS t-shirt instead of crotchless tights.

23/3/04

3lbbass.co.uk

LOOK! LOOK! The Web site is working!!! The little monkeys of Nonnington have been striving for hours to get this going and everybody wants to say thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

This web site is great, make sure you have a good look around, and try to find the special hidden links and pictures that are all over the site. You will also have noticed that we have changed the sites address to 3lbbass.co.uk a name suitable for the world’s greatest web site.

So tell your friends, tell my Nan, you should even tell the Milkman.

We also hope to set up a shop on the website where you will be able to buy everything from T-shirts, Signed Pictures, 3lb BASS albums and even Toast. (We may also sell used pants, because they seem to have a great profit margin).

23/3/04

BEN THE DRUMMING ARGIE NAME CHANGED TO LENNY

In a bid to avoid confusion with the awesome Major Ken, it has been decided by Pikastu and 3lb BASS that Ben the drummer will now be known as Lenny, or Len. To demonstrate this change Iain has written the process down as the following mathematical formula:

iEN = xEN-x+(3+i-3)

x = B  i=L

23/3/04

3lb BASS OUT AND ABOUT WHEN THEY SHOULD BE FIniSHING OFF THE ALBUM

Like kids in a sweet shop 3lb BASS have been spending much of their time flying about promoting an album which still hasn’t been finished, or released.  Naughty naughty, very naughty.

One of the many good things that has come from this is that the boys have had a chance to do other stuff. We at BASS CENTRAL know what this is because we fitted each member of the band with tracking devices.

The tracking device we fitted to Iain was called ‘Murmur’. Murmur tells us that in one 24 hour period Iain did this …

BLEEP…HOST:IAIN…PINT…STOP…PINT…LICKCAT…PINT…CAT…PINT…STOP…CANTURBURY…PINT…McDONALDS…PINT…BREAKFAST…PLACE BET…PINT…WRITE SONG…PINT…CAT…PINT…CAT…FOOTBALL STUFF…PINT…WRITE SONG…CANTERBURY…PINT…WRITE SONG…PINT…BLEEP

In sharp contrast Matt’s device called ‘Hagi’ tells us that in one 24 hour period Matt did this …

BLEEP…HOST:matthew…breakfast…Sleep…elevenses…sleep…lunch…pidgeons…football stuff…butchers…jimi…snooker…place bet…tesco…PINt…pool…PINT…real Oviedo…pint…Chinese…taxi…bLEEP

Hey look its T.T. Camara and his device called ‘Lack Of Dredging’ tells us that in one 24 hour period Cam did this…

BLEEP…HOST:Camaron…wake up…learn all franks old basslines…breakfast…work…lunch…work…tea (2 sugars)…cricket club…mock tarpy…pencil…taxi…strand…taxi…bLEEP

And here is the one we fitted to Lenny that we called ‘the great suprendo’. In a 24hour period we now know that Lenny did this.

BLEEP…HOST:Len…wake up…stroke steve/jo…breakfast…mini…wont start…try other mini…wont start…rebuild engine…mini starts…breaksdown…rac…tow truck…work…lunch…work…mini…wont start…buy ‘new’ car…wont start…walkhome…stroke steve/jo…upload website…takes 16 hours…wont work…cry…stroke steve/jo…bleep

The one we attached to Rodger was also very busy. Its called ‘Walter Samuel’ and it tells us that in 24 hours Rodger did this:

BLEEP…Migraine…drugs…sleep…bLEEP

While he hasn’t been ill we have found that Rodger has been visiting a type of modern Bloomsbury group in Sidcup. He didn’t drink the tap water.

21/1/04

T.T. CAMARA JOINS UP TO TRAIN FOR LIVE GIGS

Wow, 3lb BASS playing live again? How is that possible? It is possible and probable becuase of this...

* In order to get a good full live sound Rodger has returned to playing guitar while Ioinins prodigy Cam has taken on  the duty of Bass guitar. Long time fan of the Band Camaron passed the difficult initiation ceremony by bringing sweets to practice. Please note that in keeping with tradition, Cam is set to be using a lot of Franks stuff.

* Live gigs and a tour look likely for the autumn as Brian (Producer of both 'T-16', and also the New Album) has been spreading the news about how great 3lb BASS are amoungst his musical circles.  This has resulted in much critical praise for the boys and interest from local record labels.  

 21/01/04

NEW ALBUM IN LATE STAGES OF PRODUCTION

Excitement is building like a ladder to the moon as the New 3lb BASS album 'Lat. 39°29.8'S, Long. 147°19.3'E (Two Lines Join Completely)' nears completion.  The band admit that it is taken a lot longer than they expected, but that it should be worth it.  This extra work wouldnt have been possible without the help of Brian and his mullet, so we should all thank him.

Thank you Brian.

Any gifts you would like to send to Brian should not be edible, as in all the hours the band has spent in his studio he has only been seen to eat 2 chinease crackers and 3 Dorito's crisps.  Fortunatly he does provide everyone with tea and Rodger isn't alurgic to his dog.

10/9/03

3lb BASS RECORD NEW ALBUM

Hello baby, did you miss me?

Yes its true, our lovely boys are currently in and out of the studio recording tracks for a brand new album. Possible names for the album are rumoured to include. 'Dark Side Of Matt', 'New Adventures In The Admiral Penn', 'Latitude / Longitude' and 'How Great is Brians Mullet? This Great <--------> Daddy!'.

Again the band are recording in Brians underground studio and have been seen going for breakfast as often as possible. We caught up with Iain and asked him about the new work:

'Im very excited about the new album, its going to be great. Infact I have brought a new telescope especially. this enables me to see the songs from further away, making it easier to have a more objective viewpoint of the work. It also makes the guitars sound louder. Can I swap this egg for a sausage?

As you probably know by now Iain has taken cheif control of the guitars on this album, but can also be heard playing keyboards. Rodger plays bass, and some more guitar and new boy Ben the Argie is on drums (though he also plays some guitar). Matt sings and plays some piano, and is hoping to lay down a few bits of guitar.

Iain said:

'We hope to get it out as soon as possible, but we are struggling to finish a few bits off. Go on, half a sausage will do.' 

17/3/03

3lb BASS NEW WEB SITE! HERE! NOW!

Yes we are back. After years of no updates I had forgotten the password to the old BASS CENTRAL, which was a shame. But this site is both better, and worse than the old one was. Why? here is why...

# This site has a better address which is easier to remember and print on T-shirts.

# This site will be easier for me to update, so I should do it more often.

# This site wont have any sounds for a bit, which I admit is a real problem, but I've gotta work out a new way of doing it.

# This site is part of 'AGIS WEB' which is the greatest thing in the world ever.

The greatest fact since bread came sliced is the news that BASSCENTRAL had 

50,000 

hits before the counter broke.

50,000!!!

how mad is that?

FRANK AND ANDY BUGGER OFF

Yes the rumours are true Mr Frank E Chan and Mr A Bait has left their musical roles in 3lb BASS. Frank has taken up the role of Marketing Manager in a big multiscreen cinema in London, and Andy is training to be a nurse, we arn't sure which of these facts scares us most. Andy is now being allowed to give people drugs legally, and Frank is left in charge of icecream.( Icecream. my computer tells me that's not spelt right. ice-cream. 2w@. oh look, ive made up a new computer slang. 2@. thats even better!!! Anyway, I digress...)

Andy left us a while ago, possibly about a year ago, we were all drunk. Anyway he has now taken up the role of  Medical Manager' for the band, and is quite happy about not having to actually do any work.

Frank has only be gone a while, and if we are really unlucky he may be back. He is continuing his role as financial contributer to the band (ie we still use all his stuff) which is great. Frank also still comes to practice when he can, he doesnt play, but he does go out and buy us all sweets. Frank has also now been appointed as the bands 'Marketing Manager' by 'Overall Operations Manager' Bungie. As we have said Andy is now 'Medical Manager'. Stui retains his triple role as 'Roadie Manager', 'Transport Manager' and 'Manager who takes photo's and drives about'. Ken of course is still 'Senior Horticultural Overviewer Regarding Total Filling At Tamborello' or 'S.H.O.R.T.F.A.T..' for short (also known as 'Controller Un Necessary of Traffic')

All of this has ment that Rodger is playing BASS at practice, with Iain on guitar and Matt singing. 

'Who plays drums?' we hear you ask.

'Well, that would be...'

3lb BASS FIND A NEW DRUMMER IN RODGERS GARDEN

That sounds far fetched. It is. But its also true. Last summer just after Andy said he would be moving away for big lumps of the year we had a Bar B Q. What day was this? It was the day England beat Denmark 3-0 and looked set to win the world cup.  So we all drank lots of gin and had a B B Q in Rodgers garden.  Matt and Iano drank Tennants Super which made Matt fall asleep and Iaoni go blind. Frank caused a big fire and Andy invited his lovely lovely cousins. All in all 23 people visited the party, including Brian who brought what could only be called 'SH@' loads of food and then left again.

Well, somewhere during this a bloke who Matt thought was probably an Argentinian arived. This was bizzare. 

More bizzare was the fact that he was going out with Jo Stokes, long time friend of 3lb BASS and member of the 'Mighty Original Sithform'!! (yes, it was 'Darth Jo'. No. Thats not true, we meant SIXTH form.).

More bizzare was the fact that we kept playing the T:16 album demo to anoy the neighbours, and the Argie (known as 'Ben') liked it!

More bizzare was the fact that he he was a drummer and was looking for a band.

More bizzare was the fact that, as Frank burnt down the garden and Ioni and Matt got increasingly arrogant as they drank the SUPERBEER, he agreed to join our motly crew!!

Ben has been rehursing with the band for many weeks now and it has turned out that a) he isnt a nob an b) he is a very good drummer. All of this is great!!

WELCOME BEN!!

 T:16 ALBUM A HUGE SUCCESS

By now you should have your copy of T:16 the first commercial album released by 3lb BASS on their own record label 'AGIS'. All 100 copies have now been sold by the band, most of them in the first week of release. This made the album No.316 on the official Radio One album chart.  Rabits live in trees. One of those last two statements was untrue. That statement was a lie. 

The band would like to thank Brian Spencer Smith for all his help and Debs Cafe for making them breakfast everyday of the recording.

Through public demand copies of the Album are still in production, just see your local BASS envoy.

Tracks have been heard playing in various locations, including a disco, a church and Stui's car. 

HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO CATCH UP ON THE NEWS YOU MISSED FIRST TIME AROUND. IT'S THE GREAT 3LB BASS NEWS ARCHIVES!!!

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Imagine a world without any people, none to ring the bells in the steeple,Matts pidgeons could do it from the gate, That must mean its the

BASS NEWS ARCHIVE 8

13/8/01

3lb BASS ROCK THE RAILWAY PUB

The first live appearance of 3lb BASS this year was hailed a major success by those lucky enough to be able to attend.  The gig was to celebrate the bands mate Bungie's 21st Birthday party.

In sharp contrast to the lighthearted performance the audience was expecting, the band began with the political anthem 'Leningrad Pier' as Matt beat the crap out of Billy Bubble and Iain purified a communist flag using the power of the BASS.  Most of the songs were new numbers written by the band which are likely to appear on their album scheduled for recording later this year. 

Despite wearing Deal Pier (which can still be seen up the Railway) Stui proclaimed "Matt should have been smaller, but overall they proved why they are the best band ever to play at Bungies party this year".  

We also managed to get a few choice words with Andy, playing live with the BASS for the first time. "We had a few technical problems early on.  The power cut out and we lost Frank, but Syanne unfortunately managed to plug him back in".

Celebrities who traveled from all over the country to see the gig included Ken from Putney ('The band were the best, have you seen my girlfriend?'), Weeb from Winchester ("'Deep' is the best song I have ever heard"), Shep from Northampton ("Its fun!") and Jimmy from the cricket club ("I'm actually pleasantly surprised").

After playing through a selection of their new songs the band then finished the evening by getting the crowd going with the now famous "B.A.S.S." chant and a revival of the I.M.S. classic 'The Bungie Song'.  

The full set list for the gig was as follows;

# Leningrad Pier

# Set Me Free

# Deep

# Kung Fu *

# Country Feedback**

# 1 2 1

# Lie To Me

# I'm not Over You**

# The Bungie Song***

# B.A.S.S.

*    by ASH. **  byR.E.M. *** by I.M.S.

FURTHER GIGS CANCELLED

3lb BASS gigs set for late July and August have been canceled as 3lb BASS have decided to rest for August before reconvening in September.  The band were set to play for the Deal Music festival in July and later this month for the England Ladies cricket team.  Rodger claimed that this is so that the band can celebrate left handed day properly outside Franks house, but other sources have suggested that something darker has been taking plaice, and that the band is in troubled times.  

Up to date information about this can be heard by phoning 01813921357 and Iain can be heard in the Quarterdeck every Saturday night.

-----

AMSTERDAM GREATS THE LADS WITH OPEN LEGS

Spanky, Magic Andy and Rodger McGough received a riotous welcome from the Dutch as they visited Amsterdam last weekend.  They were in the capital for the weekend and for Frank to get porn. They also traveled to Arnhem where they watched U2 on their Elevation Tour.  With purple smoke coming out of his ears Andy explained that 'Kites in the sky, they asked my age and showed me pegged. A cave once indeed jumped with lilac jive.   This hits edit, if Asia hugs soup rocks.' Frank shouted this agreement from the shower 'The gig was brilliant and so was the mini bar'. A detailed photo story book of the weekend will be included once the camera is found.

-----

SIMON FROM BLUE PETER MEETS RODGER McGOUGH IN ROME

As soon as we heard that Rodger was visiting Rome this summer we immediately sent Simon from Blue Peter over to see if he could get an exclusive word on the new 3lb BASS album.  Simon found Rodger in the Flavian Amphitheatre and got this exclusive interview.

Simon: 'Excuse me Rodger, can I have quick word?'

Rodger: 'Do I know you?'

Simon: 'I'm Simon from Blue Peter, can I have a quick word for BASS CENTRAL NEWS?'

Rodger: 'Does that mean you know Goldie?'

Simon: 'No that was before my time, I know Tricky though'

Rodger: 'Good.  Does that invalidate my guarantee?'

Simon: 'What? er, hows the new album going?'

Rodger: 'a ah this a way... did you know that they used to flood this in the early days?'

Simon: 'er, no, erm, the album? Have their been any new songs written?'

Rodger: 'Probably, but not by us. What's that thing on you chest?'

Simon: 'What thing? OW!!'

Rodger: 'Aha! Matt taught me that one'

Simon: 'That's actually my Blue Peter Badge'

Rodger: 'Isn't that cruel? Stui would not be impressed, mind you, you said your name was Simon'

Simon: 'Yes'

Rodger: 'Good... Iain went out for a Duck this week'

Simon: 'Really, that's unlike him, he's normally brilliant in bat'

Rodger: 'It had nothing to do with his hat, he was meeting it in the Quarterdeck. I'm going now'

Simon: 'Don't go! You haven't told me anything about the new album yet!  Come Back!!!! I know Katy Hill!'

Rodger: 'ssshhhh'

---

Got bad hair?, Go sit over their, Matts pidgeons flying up to heaven, That must mean its the

BASS NEWS ARCHIVE 7

18/3/01

3lb BASS WILL PLAY THE RAILWAY PUB ON 5th MAY

3lb BASS have announced their first tour dates for many years. They will be playing a special one off gig to celebrate their mate Bungee's birthday party at everyone's favorite pub The Railway,  in Walmer.  

We caught up with Matt who had the following to say 'Its our first live performance for ages, and it will be interesting to see how our fans take to Frank and Bait'. When we asked about the prospect of further gigs Matt was cagey. 'Lets take this one step at a time, we are concentrating writing new material for the album and live gigs are therefore not a priority'.

Further details of the gig are vague but the following beer mat was given to us by Geoff from the cricket club.

("Yes please,  and one for Iain.")

6 TRACKS ALREADY WRITTEN BY THE BAND

Stui Waters has been fortunate enough to gain access to the Band while they have been rehearsing. He has confirmed that 6 songs have now been completed. 'One of the new songs is called 'Lie To Me' is especially good. Another one which was going under the working title of '15 to 1' is quite rocky, while 'Franks Song' is a definite contender for a single. I think these songs are defffently breaking new ground for the band, but  their old fans shouldn't worry too much,  the  tracks are very definatly 3lb BASS and I know Rodger is talking about using the drumming chair live'.

One of our reporters caught Frank as he flailed desperately with the lock as he tried to leave rehearsals. The old boy yapped on about 'The vital elements of the group remaining strong, but also being expanded. It is the gold key isn't it?'. 

-----

2001 THE YEAR OF THE BASS

You will probably have noticed that their is a great deal of action currently taking place by 3lb BASS. We caught up with Ioini who tried to explain why this is going on. 'We all know that some numbers are far more powerful that others. Mainly these are multiples of 3, and of course the number 316 which along with 3.16, and 3 itself is a 'PURE' number. 9 is also very important. 27 vital.  In some countries people don't go anywhere without 1.7320508075687729352744634150587. Anyway, If you add up all the numbers that make up 2001 you get 3. Simple as that.

-----

WILL THE FORMER EASTERN BLOCK BE GRACED WITH A VISIT FROM 3lb BASS?

Rumors are sweeping across Germany, Romania and Hungary that 3lb BASS are set to visit in October. One possible reason is that the band are going to record some material in the famous Hanover studios in Berlin. Another is that they want to watch Dinamo Dresden. Last week the 'Deine Dresden Mit Dusche' newspaper ran a story titled 'Ilie Ist Kommen Heimat!' We contacted the Mayor of Dresden Rudi Voller who told us 'Die hole town ist very extrited about 3lb BASS and partikular Ilie von Hudson kommen to vizit us. We will plan a day of Holiday Raddiergummi if they do kome!'

BASS NEWS ARCHIVE 6

1/1/01

FRANK E CHAN AND ANDY BAIT JOIN 3lb BASS

Yes, the unbelievable has taken plaice, 3lb BASS have recruited 2 new members to the musical fold. Miss Frank E Chan (BASS player, rumored) and Magic Andy (Drums) who had joined the band in rehearsal for the planned tour, have now been taken on as the official rhythm section for 3lb BASS. Ioini said 'The irony of having a rhythm section with Frank in couldn't be passed up really, and AB's girlfriend has a big fat arse'.

When asked Rodger said 'We needed a BASS player and a drummer to allow us to tour properly, and after I.M.S. folded those 2 boys were looking for a new band. It was the logical decision really'. 

We here at BASS central managed to track Frank to get this exclusive quote. 'I think I'm really looking forward to it really.' 

Andy Bait has turned down a future in the army to play drums for 3lb BASS and is said to be 'really really happy' about it. 

Matt celebrated by having tea round his Grans.

Learn all about the new band members in the BASS BIOGS and I.M.S. in the BASS HISTORY section.

WORK ON THE NEW 3lb BASS ALBUM AND TOUR IN FULL FLOW.

The inclusion of the new rhythm section has freed up Iain and Rodger to concentrate on guitar playing and song writing. 'Its a lot easier to rehearse with live drums and BASS' said Todger. 

Iaoni added 'We have 5-6 new songs on the go. 5 of them are very good. We let Frank write one. Another track called 'Casket BASS' has been scraped.'

Matt has given up football to enable the band to practice regularly and a tour may well start as early as the new year.

'We are working on the songs so that they can be played live, then we will record the songs either really quickly in the studio, or we may record them live.' Iain rattled. 'Frank has been talking about us making a DVD of the new tour. The fans can then watch the gig from any angle they want, like the one which will let you see past Matt. It will also mean that you can watch the gig in German, especially good if you live in Dresden. We might call it 'Nice 3lb DVD''

'Andy came up with a great idea for a stage entrance, a bit like the infamous U2 Lemon, where he and his drum kit are hidden inside Matt'

-----

3lb BASS QUIZz CHAMPIONS

3lb BASS recently ed the hotly contested Deal Vics QUIZz evening. Despite most of the QUEZztions being about Tranmere the team of Ion, Frank and Todger easily won the competition and the Music QUIZz. They left with 6 bottles of wine and some blank cassettes. Not a bad nights work.

-----

WHO IS THIS BILLY BASS?

No doubt you will have noticed the huge number of 'Billy BASS' novelty items sweeping the country. Although not an offcial 3lb BASS release these have obviously been produced to rake in on the success of 3lb BASS. We asked Matt what he thought.

'We are all for people spreading the word of BASS. Its also clear that these fish weigh in at about 3lb. I know that Rodger was very happy when he saw Katy Hill with one on Football Fever the other week.'

It has been confirmed by the company that produces the BASS that the name 'Billy' comes from the 3lb BASS song 'White Birds'. 

---

Understanding life, With the King of Fife (& his wife), Matts pidgeons drink a lot of Five Alive!,  That must mean its the

BASS NEWS ARCHIVE 5

20/06/00

DEAL TOWN FC WIN AT WEMBLEY

Yes, Deal Town FC (already champions of the BASS league), are now the winners of the FA Vase. This is obviously a bit cool.  Well done to all the lads from us here at BASS CENTRAL. 3lb BASS attended the match along with their huge 3lb BASS flag (which in the end they couldn't be arsed to hold up). 

Deal won the cup in style with a brilliant goal from Roly Grahem. 

Frank declined the offer of having a look at a young ladies breasts. Not relevant, but slightly worrying all the same.

-----

WORK ON THE NEW 3lb BASS TRACKS TO START SOON.

With Iain set to return from Uni in a matter of weeks and with a long summer stretching ahead rumors of a new 3lb BASS album continue to circulate. 

It is likely to be the bands first studio album in recent history. Mark 1 music have expressed interest in letting the band use their famous studio. Pikastu of K.O.S. isn't convinced that this will be the right atmosphere for the record though. 'Its position by the sea is obviously ideal, and Gary works across the road so he could come visit...but Terry the sound engineer is a bit shite'. Terry famously tried to convince KOS that all modern dance music was recoded in Mono.

-----

I.M.S.  R.I.P.

LONG LIVE I.M.S

The death of the mighty sub 3lb BASS band I.M.S. (Irritated Mutant SeaBASS) is imminent.  Star drummer Andy Bait has decided that he will join the army so he can carry a gun legally and shoot people for a living, and is set to leave in September. As well as being the back bone of the ever-changing tag team which is the I.M.S. rhythm section Bait also provides rehearsal room for the band and makes Rodger cups of tea. 

This news may come as a surprise to fans of the band following the recent breaking news that they have recruited 2 new singers. In a follow up to the famed Gonk & Ollo connection, the singers are once again females and study at Walmer sec. This is a surprise as frank famously stated 'No F#'kin females again ever, Tits and Wheels always give us problems'. Obviously Andy is well up for it again and was found sharing a bed with one of them 45 minutes after they had been officially signed. 

The band in its current guise is set to play Walmer Parish Hall on 8th July as a thank you to the Bait family for letting them make lots of noise in their house for the last 2 years. Matt and Iain will obviously turn up and laugh.

I.M.S. are also hoping to perform at a few other venues during the summer before Andy clears off.

Showing his usual lack of tact Frank (BASS player & co-founder) has been openly recruiting for a new drummer already. Ken Barris insists that this is all unnecessary and that Andy will be home again after a week of getting up early.

-----

'K.O.S.' TOUR DATES RELEASED

We have exclusive information regarding the forthcoming 'KINGZ OF SNAKE' tour dates for this year. DJs PIKASTU and our own Mr McGough will be playing very loudly at the following places and drinking vast amounts of Tea.

8th JULY.            WALMER PARISH HALL.

Tour T-Shirts will be available from the KOS web site when its built.

---

Ive seen the road to perdition,Its kind of a tradition, Matts pidgeons watch through the door , That must mean its the

BASS NEWS ARCHIVE 4

10/06/00

3lb BASS TRAVEL TO WEMBLEY TO SUPPORT DEAL TOWN FC

This weekend is the biggest in the history of Deal Town FC and 3lb BASS will be at the twin towers supporting their team. Matt and Rodger watched Deal secure their place in the final with a 1-1 result with Newcastle. The mighty Trio are set to lead the crowd in a rousing rendition of the famous Deal chant:

'Deal is Great, Deal is Brill, Deal isn't situated on a Hill!'

Deal Town have already won the 'BASS League' this season, which is rather ironic, but not at all surprising. 

-----

3lb BASS TO RECORD NEW ALBUM OVER THE SUMMER

Although details are sketchy strong rumors are beginning to circulate the internet that 3lb BASS are intending to record a new album over the summer. Our sources claim that Andy Bait (I.M.S. drummer) has been asked to appear on some tracks, freeing up Iain to concentrate on lead guitar. Iain was recently asked if he had written any new material, "I've a whole sheet of chords, and I've work out how to play 'What's the Frequency Kenneth' in a different key" was his exciting reply.

It is when Iain returns from Uni and Matt gets some time of work that the album is likely to be recorded. Early signs suggest it will be a mixture of new tracks and a Greatest Hits package.

-----

3lb BASS UNITE FOR LAURA AND NAT, BUT GARY REFUSES TO LET THEM PLAY ANYTHING.

3lb BASS attended the recent birthday party of Laura & Natalie in the 'Hole in the Roof'. They discussed Edwards Green hair and gave Natalie a card with a picture of a horse on it. 

An impromptu performance by the Mighty 3 was stopped by George Dawes who said 'You just  B'@@dy try it'.

Matt and Iain later moved onto 'The Railway' while Rodger went to laugh at Major Ken in 'The Strand', which was horrid.

-----

RODGER FORMS 'K.O.S.' CORPORATION WITH DJ PIKATSU

Disillusioned by the likes of 'DJ Kev' 'Evan' and that bloke who rides round in the coloured Astra ('Best DJ in Kent' tm),  Rodger McGough (under the pseudonym 'Psydark') and DJ Pikastu decided to show how it should be done and recently performed at the Downs Rowing club as 'KINGZ OF SNAKE'. They went down a storm with the audience which Pikastu described as 'Retards and Muppets'. 

A high point of the gig was the 'BASSment Jaxx', section. During 'Red Alert' Rodger shouted 'MUPPET!' at the crowd while Pikastu flashed his specially built 'Muppet' light.

Inspired by their success Rodger and Pika' have since film a road movie where they drive around and break into Nuclear PowerStation's, building stone circles. This film is currently set to go on general release next weekend under the title 'Sausages and Video'.

KINGZ OF SNAKE are likely to DJ'ing at a number of venues over the summer, pretty much anywhere but 'The Strand'.

---

Tanks can be very heavy, but not as heavy as Webby, Matt pidgeons sailing out to sea, That must mean its the

BASS NEWS ARCHIVE 3

26/1/00

BASS CELEBRATE ON THE BEACH WITH FISH

Happy new year from all here at BASS CENTRAL. Everyone's favorite band celebrated the dawning of the new Millennium (and the 'Emmm, A Half-Century of BASS') in style with their friend Fish. With Matt asleep Iain and Rodgers first act of the new year was to climb over a fence and run across a field. When questioned Iain said that 'this act symbolized the way that 3lb BASS will be breaking down the shackles of society to create a new world order over the next 100 years'.  

'Everyone knows that the year of the BASS is going to be 2005 which is also the 10th anniversary of its inebriation, this next 100 years is going to see some real changes as the work of Alan Yates is realized for what it really is'.

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I.M.S. LIVE VIDEO IN PRODUCTION

We can exclusively reveal that demented offspring of 3lb BASS, 'I.M.S.' are currently producing a video of live performances and interviews for release in the summer.  'I.M.S' (Irritated Mutant SeaBass) was formed by Rodger McGough,(with Frank E Chan and Major Ken) as a side project to 3lb BASS.

With the standard line up of Rodger, Chan, Ken, Jimi Sheep, Andy Bait & Bungie I.M.S. have performed live many times including 2 appearances at the Dover festival. The video is set to show the changes that the band has been through over the years with exclusive Interviews with the members.

We will keep you up to date with information on this highly anticipated release.

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200+ PEOPLE VISIT BASS WEB!

Yes, although its been on line for under 3 months BASS WEB has now received over 200 hits. Considering the content this is actually mighty impressive. The word of BASS is spreading and soon the whole world will be aware of its significance and awesome capabilities. Please pass on information about 3lb BASS to all your friends and help us let people see the light. 

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MATT TAKES ON BT AND WINS

3lb BASS Meister Matt Ilie Von Hudson has seemingly won his on going battle with BT. Despite the company's best efforts to block Matt's access to the net and e-mail he is still able to do both. Matt has put this down to the fact that he is currently in possession of the 'BASS', the ancient symbol of the 3lb BASS cult, which is instilled with the power of Alan Yates.

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Dont jump off a cliff, you wont get to WH Smith, Matts pidgeons are coloured balck and blue, That must mean its the

BASS NEWS ARCHIVE 2

1/12/99

s items you missed first time around.

3lb BASS RECORD NEW MATERIAL

With Iain back in Deal for the weekend and with Matt being awake 3lb BASS took the chance to record some new material on Sunday 21st November. Recording took place in Rodger's extension. Details are sketchy at the moment but sources tell us that the band recorded 1 brand new track, re-recorded 'Go Slow' and they also are believed to have produced two cover versions.

But it is the new track which has BASS fans most excited. It is believed to be going under the working title of 'Everyhting is Slow' or 'Go Faster', but as we said details are few and far between. We have managed to get hold of a copy of the lyrics for the song. Click below to see the master piece in all its glory.

HRERE
Lyric Sheet for new track.

As well as rerecording 'Go Slow' the band also recorded a cover version of R.E.M.'s 'Strange Currencies' and a fantastic version of the Village Peoples 'Y.M.C.A.' The later has been suitably altered and is now known as 'B.A.S.S.'

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PUBLICITY STUNT SPREADS THE WORD OF BASS

Without thought for his own personal GALVATRON The Decepticon leader has launched a huge bit to spread the word of 3lb BASS this week. While we thank him for his actions we at BASS CENTRAL would like to distance ourselves from his actions. GALVATRON has been rumoured to have bombarded as many as 300 people about 3lb BASS via e-mail.

We do not condone his Spamming actions or have any reason to believe that the Chain Letter advice actually works. While GALVATRON does work for 3lb BASS in a fashion the actions of this Transformer regarding e-mail are as totally beyond our control as his recent attempt to harness the power of the Hover Dam.

Apologies to all those affected.

Since he carried out this evil deed GALVATRON has been forced to return to his own time of 2005. MEGATRON has returned to reclaim his position of Decepticon Leader and as a result he is also dealing with all communications regarding 3lb BASS. 

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 3lb BASS PLAY EXCLUSIVELY LIVE FOR FRANK

Mr Frank E Chan was blessed with a brief live performance by 3lb BASS on Sunday 21st November. He turned up as the band were packing up (as Rodger was packing up) after their successful recording session. 

They played him their new version of 'Y.M.C.A' and Mr Chan is reported to have been bowled over by the performance.

Mr Chan was also very impressed by Matts ability to move Rodgers car with only the weight of his oversized buttocks.

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BASS CELEBRATE WITH KERRY

Despite rumors to the contrary 3lb BASS did not perform at Kerry Spoons engagement party. Matt said 'It was Kerry's day and we didn't want to steel the attention from her'.

Rodger gave out the BASS web site address and GALVATRON's e-mail to all concerned. Alas it is now believed that in the excitement he got both wrong!!

Mr Chan went with the band to Dover as a kind of mobile source of amusement.

Kerry was given gifts of Spoons by all 4.

A special thank you goes out to Ant for the lift and Fish for the beer. Frank will pay you both. 

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Look out its a Llamma, their inside your pajamas, Matts pidgeons live in a special pidgeon Hive, That must mean its the

BASS NEWS ARCHIVE

1/11/99

NEW IMPROVED BASS WEB!

One man said 'This web site is like a giant piece of Toast, just without the crumbs.' And who are we to disagree? 

Unless you are reading this with the monitor off you cant failed to have noticed that things are much more pretty than they used to be. Fancy fonts are one thing though, we also have pictures now. Cool.

This is the Masked Mongoose, he's one of Matts pigeons. But that is irrelevant.

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BASS TO RECORD NEW SINGLE

The Rumor mill is cycling like Winston Bogart along the Strand about 3lb BASS being set to record a new single to celebrate Kerry's engagement to Muzzie the Kebab shop man. George Dawes was visited by Rodger McGough today (Wed 10th Nov) and the tall veteran was sprouting on about the idea for the track. The working title is believed to be 'SPOON!'.

Rodger was visiting Gary to see if he sold 'Big flashing lights like you get on Police cars'. Gary explained that blue ones would probably be illegal. The farmer was confused by the fact Rodger was wearing shorts despite low temperatures and consistent 'pouting' rain.

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 2/3rds OF BASS HIT THE CAPITAL

London came to a standstill on the weekend of 16th October as 2 out of 3lb Bass visited London. Iaino and Rodger were their to see Lt Ken Barris who was celebrating his 35th Birthday.

Lt Ken Barris & Michael 

Despite rumors they did not play at the party. Iaino was dressed as a large sprout, wearing a T-shirt with the text 'FISHING IS LIFE, Everything else is just details' across his chest.

Rodger wearing a Doctors outfit entertained people with his Buster Rhymes impression.

When asked about rumors of 3lb Bass reuniting to play Sydney on New Years Day Iaino said "We will have to see if we can get Matt off nights from Tesco, but hey, for tonight we are just out to have a laugh".

Rodger said "Their is a good chance that we will produce some more studio material over the Winter, but we don't have any definite plans to play live".

3lb Bass haven't played live together for over a year.

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BASS SET TO PLAY LIVE FOR KERRY AND HER SPOON?

Rumors are spreading that all 3 members of the band will be attending the engagement party of Kerry 'Spoon' in mid November.

If they do it is expected that the boys will play at least a few numbers as a present to Kerry.

Details are scarce at the moment, but it is believed that Kerry is set to marry Muzzie the Turkish Kebab shop owner.